december 2011…

Posted on December 1, 2011

ever felt that loneliness amongst the uncountable people around you?
ever felt that you are alone in midst of people you may have known, may have interacted with, or even are close with?

i guess, it happens to everyone. but, it’s not exactly a great feeling to have. afterall, who would have want to feel lonely? no man is an island.

ever wondered why in a group of three, there would be one who would be left behind?
i know i did. but i am not even a step closer to the answer in my life of twenty three years. all that i know is that being the one left behind is saddening. it’s not something i wish for others to experience although i’d have to admit, it’s an experience that i have grown used to.

maybe because it’s something innate, there are countless times when i find myself being the third wheel and so out of the loop that over time, i just kept to myself and put a full stop on it. there isn’t anything to be done when it’s determined that i’d be the one left out. why the effort to make myself look silly or accommodating just so that i’d get accepted into the clique? but, human being human, we’d still try to fit in no matter what happens.

time and again, i felt the regret in me for changing who i am just to fit in, to be a part of all this charade. but, no matter how hard i try, sometimes, it just doesn’t work. and most of the time, it just doesn’t work. it’s a tiring, exhausting process. it’s even demoralising to know that you’re the only one left out when you are trying so hard.

“you know you’re not alone when you miss someone.” this was something i’ve heard somewhere. how can i not be alone when i know that the other party don’t miss or care about me when i miss them?