it’s that season, again…

yea, as always, as every semester nears the end, i get frustrated. easily irritated and unreasonable. i guess, you could say that i am every bit stressed. but, surprisingly, no matter how ‘stressed’ i might be, or i should be, i don’t feel stress. well, no one would actually admit that they are stress, right? nevertheless, i’ve always been this way. in a way, i could be said as someone who claims to be tough but not tough? i mean, at least appearance-wise, i can never be tough. anyway, it’s not like i want to be this way. i am just forced to be this way. afterall, the environment you grow up with do influence what type of people you would be later on in life.

it’s not easy to say that i am weird. although i have always been telling people that i am weird. not like there are many people who would argue about that. in fact, most people would agree that i am indeed weird. there is not emotion. there is not a hint of passion. and there is no kindness. ok, so maybe i am kind. in a sense that, i do help people when they need it and there are also times when i do think too much for others that i hurt myself in the process. but, whatever it is, i do not think that what i had in mind is what i am doing. not that it is something people on the internet need to know about.

the season of final examination is here and i’m getting restless. i haven’t been feeling the need to study although i do think i should be studying now. but, the tension is not there, and the stress is not there to actually make me pick up the book and start studying. ok, so maybe it’s because i’m too stressed out that i am actually running away from studying but at the moment, i am bored witless. i am currently just staring at the wall, staring at the laptop, staring at whatever that my eyes laid it’s sight on, well, practically, whatever. something is so wrong with me and i am still not doing anything to correct it.

someone, please just inspire me to start doing something to salvage this future of mine.

love,
natalie
18102009/10.44pm