the beginning of july 2009…

may came and gone, replaced by june. the days of june came to an end and here comes july. the dreaded month. the month that says, “get the hell back to university!”. basically, that explains why july is the dreaded month even though it’s supposed to be a month where i look forward to since it’s my birthday month. congratulations to dear old me. however, i have never really looked forward to my birthday ever since i was in high school. somehow, subconsciously, i became too unattached over birthdays and don’t get hyped up over a day. sure, it’s a day once upon a time ago when i was born, but, if i live everyday to the fullest, should there be any regrets if i were to die prematurely? i guess not. hence, i no longer feel the need to be happy or unnecessarily spend much money on birthdays. i’m not saying that i don’t celebrate others birthday though. i do. i feel happy for them if they love having birthdays. but, in my case, no. i don’t have any particular feelings towards my own birthday and so be it. another factor could be the fact that i have always thought less of myself in comparison to others. in a way, i am not a selfish person. there are situations where i always think of others before myself. not to say i’m selfless either. i can be nice when i want to and i can be pretty mean when i want to. it really depends on my mood.

sometimes, i wonder if i will ever be able to break out of the clutches of my family. as in, my parents. however, this is a cage where i locked myself in it safely and threw away the key. refusing to get out. refusing to adapt to the other world in penang. but, i do get use to it. it’s just that a part of me still feel that here is my home. here in kl, is where all my friends live even though i’ve met a few friends whom i am really grateful for and would really love to have them participate in my life. however short or long it may be.

july signals the beginning of my first semester as a second year university student. july signifies that i am an adult. july reminds me of the burden i will soon have to carry because i am no longer a child. although, living in the environment i have grown up in, i do not think that i am childish. i’d like to say that as a matter of fact, i am slightly more mature than some twenty-one year olds around. believe it or not.

the two months of holiday was supposed to be a time for me to study accounting again. yet, two months of holiday has come and gone and i have yet to touch that damn book. meaning, i’m so dead by next semester. nevertheless, no regrets because i have had a great time being around my family and friends. loads of good food. plenty of quality time spent to get to know what is happening around friends. things i would not have traded for whatever was offered to me.

love,
natalie
01072009/1.34am