just me, blabbling about MY life

could it be that i did a terrible mistake this time around. i have always thought that as long as i try, i can make anything work. but, as of now, it’s becoming more and more apparent that sometimes, talent do come in hand when you choose what you want to do in your life. it’s not about whether you like something then you can do it. no, apparently that’s not the case. i wonder if i really took the wrong turn in my life at the beginning of this semester. it’s only been approximately seven weeks, and yet, i am still clueless. i am still lost. i can’t do much with this head of mine. i can’t. studying although not as much as it should be, i still studied. i tried. it did not work. and there is nothing much i could do about it. makes me wonder if i were to take another major, would the result be much different? would it help? would it really make me feel better? would it make my life easier?

hell yeah! it’s going to make my life that much easier. i don’t have to count and count and still don’t get the answer that i want. i only need to read, read, and read. what is so hard about reading and memorising? it’s not as hard compared to counting and counting, hitting the calculator again and again, yet, you still don’t get the freaking answer.

but, no. i chose this. i will make it work. no backing out. no turning back. no regrets.

love,
natalie
09022010/12.42pm

i’m just testing if windows live writer works at all. if i’m not mistaken, when i tried to use it to blog last time, it didn’t work. apparently my blog address is not available or not found. somehow, it’s not there. anyway, the internet connection is so-so as of now. not sure if it’s really going to get posted right away or going to take hours to post this up. not like it’s important anyway.

love,
natalie
04022010/4.14pm

i loved this song when i first downloaded it. of course, then, i wasn’t having anyone in mind when i heard that particular song. so, dickhead by kate nash is practically just another song on my playlist. it wasn’t anything else. it didn’t mean anything. except for, i do like the beat. however, after such a long time, i’m listening to this song again and i do have someone in mind. mind you, it wasn’t someone anyone know. so far, it’s only going to be me and me only.

why are you being a dickhead for
stop being a dickhead
why are you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations

why are you being a dickhead for
stop being a dickhead
why are you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations

shiny floor, slippery feet
lights are dim, my eyes can’t meet
the reflection that turns my images
upside down so I can’t see

think you know everything
you really don’t know nothing
i wish that you were more intelligent
so you could see that what you are doing
is so shitty, to me

thirty five
people couldn’t count
on two hands the amount of times you made me stop
stop and think why are you being such a dickhead for

stop being a dickhead,
why are you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations
why are you being a dickhead for
stop being a dickhead,
why you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations

stop, now don’t show
just have a think before you
will you, stop, now don’t show
just have a think before you

will you stop, no don’t show
just have a think before you
will you stop, don’t show
will you just have a think before you

my brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore
no my brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore
no my brain and my bones don’t want to take with this anymore
no my brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore, so

why are you being a dickhead for
stop being a dickhead
why are you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations

why are you being a dickhead for
stop being a dickhead
why you being a dickhead for
you’re just fucking up situations

love,
natalie
02022010/9.52pm

alright, i should have been posting since a few days ago but i got tired and nothing happened. either way. i’m going to combine everything in to one post and let it be. i’ll go back to 28th january 2010 where i decided i would go buy myself a laptop and the laptop that i had in mind was toshiba. so, off i went to queensbay with that in mind. however, once i reached harvey norman, i was suprised to see that the model that i wanted wasn’t there. so, i asked and was told that it’s out of stock. probably nationwide because the supplier itself is out of stock. i don’t know how true is that but whatever it is. it’s going to take two weeks for it to be delivered, meaning it’s the same as when i wait for dell without cancelling it in the first place. so, i went to search for others that could replace what i already had in mind. found house of notebooks that only sells hewlett-packard and dell. obviously i wouldn’t want hewlett-packard anymore. i asked if there are any dell model that is with the new intel i3 processor. and, this laptop is bought for rm2599. and it’s red in colour. i’d have to say that i still can’t get used to windows 7. i thought windows vista was bad. but, windows 7 is worse. at least for me. i can’t say for others.

anyway, i didn’t have much time to play around with my new love. i had to go for an industrial visit that i had gotten myself into the other time. so, 8.45am, i had to gather at EUREKA. waited for an hour before it officially started. can you imagine wearing formal clothes and sitting a ‘bas sekolah’ for industrial visit? what happened to our university’s bus? damn. went to motorola first. no pictures are taken since all our phones are kept. visited the plant. saw their operations. and go a mug as a souvenir.

next stop, malaysia airports, penang. i had high expectations, i had to say. i thought we’d get to see the control tower and the airplane itself. but, nada. none of it. what we had is just a tour around the airport and nothing else. we can’t even buy anything from the airport. the inside of it. unless you have a passport at hand. which unfortunately, i don’t. but, the airport itself is pretty small. there wasn’t much to look around. so, basically, we just hang around and took silly pictures. and, by the end of the day, i had pretty much one or two blisters on my feet. the price of looking nice and formal. how silly. but that’s what being a girl means. pain.

love,
natalie
30012010/2.58pm

this ordinary mind is broken, you did it and you don’t even know, you’re leaving me with words unspoken…

i hate days like this. i can’t understand how is it possible that i had actually endured more than a month without my laptop. my only form of stress reliever. although, i have never claimed to be a stressful person, apparently, i am. without the presence of my laptop, emotions run wild. no more poker face, no more indifference. maybe because i have never faced my books 24 hours a day, but, recently, i do feel the heat on me. as i have always not been the one to write a diary or a journal, or whatever you call it, you could say that you could say that i have been especially cranky without a tool for stress relieving. without a laptop, many things had yet to be done. the inability to do or complete tasks given because of this handicap, sucks. there are countless times that i had to borrow a friend’s laptop just so i can do my work. sometimes, the library will have to do. it is never easy. the library is not near to begin with and if i had homework to be done, what about others? there is no way i could continue living like this. with the impending mid semester tests, assignments and online quizzes, i am definitely dead. i can’t do it. i am no superwoman. although i hate to admit it as it is, maybe i am not so invincible afterall. a part of me is still relatively human. a weak and fragile part of me which is unacceptable by all means. this ordinary part of me is unacceptable and, i need to get rid of it fast.

this ordinary mind is broken, you did it and you don’t even know, you’re leaving me with words unspoken, i really am at wit’s end…

love,
natalie
25012010/8.55pm